Concerned Boyfriend – Shares Story of Girlfriend Anonymously

I came across your site after my girlfriend of over 1 year had become a victim of revenge porn. This happened just over a month ago, she has since lost her job as a teacher and her life has been turned upside down.

The imagery posted is over 5 years old, this series of events has nearly brought our relationship to breaking point. I cannot even begin to imagine what my girlfriend is going through at the moment.

I’m trying everything I can to be as supportive as possible however I’m currently going through cancer treatment and having to come to terms with this isn’t easy. I’m sure no boyfriend would wish to see nude images of their partner with an ex, I feel now as though my girlfriend has lost her trust in me as we no longer have the same loving and fun relationship as we once had.

I dare not talk about this matter with my girlfriend as I can only imagine it will cause her distress.

My girlfriend is currently seeking legal help on this matter, I know this will be a slow process and I shouldn’t interfere but I want to support her as best as I can. I’ve never been in this situation with a girlfriend before and I’ve not told any of my friends or family about what has happened. Any advice on how to cope with this from a boyfriends point of view would be a great help.

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Revenge Porn My Story and I’m from Asia – Anonymous

I would like to thank you for voic.org.uk website. It’s like a beacon of light in the darkness.

I would like to share my story of a current ongoing revenge porn ordeal which is being caused by a UK citizen to me and I live in another country. I need to remain anonymous as I don’t live in the UK but I am currently illegally residing in the country where I now live.

I found out about you while doing a Google search about laws in the UK regarding revenge porn. I read the new article from the BBC about you. Unfortunately I couldn’t see the interview video as it wasn’t available in my country but I felt that somehow I have someone I can talk to.

My issues is still ongoing and I haven’t told a soul about my ordeal, accept the police. Not to my mother, my sister nor my current boyfriend. I feel very lonely, guilty and hopeless.

I met a guy from the UK about 9 or 10 years ago through a social media network. I was very stupid and naive at the time and started an online relationship that continued for a few
years. Along the way, a lot of things happened and our communication ended in 2012. I was happy that it ended.

In last year, he tried to contact me again, but I didn’t pick up his calls and didn’t even read his emails. Then, about 4 months back, I found my pictures on Tumblr. I contacted Tumblr to take down the images. Then I Googled his hometown’s police email address and have contacted them to help. It’s a complicated matter for them because I’m not from the UK. I don’t think he’s been investigated yet.

I don’t know if he’s still posting more pictures or not and I’m just too scared to Google my name and find out more.

Right now, I’m just trying very hard to be brave and keep myself together. Each waking moment is a pain to go through. The kind of pain that only a victim of this crime could understand.

The main thing I want to let you know that this issue is a global thing occurring across countries. Those awful people can still hurt victims no matter where they are.

This is something I wouldn’t wish upon even my worst enemy. So I want to prevent future victims from suffering the same fate as I. I’d like to help others as well, but I myself is doing not so good.

You’re the one who is making an impact. That is why I wrote to you. If you know more about the stories, more about how it can happen, I hope that somehow you will be able to help others more.

It’s too late for me but please don’t stop helping others. Thank you for your website and your bravery to stand up for those who are too afraid.

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My Ex Set Up A Porn Site In My Name – Anonymus

My friend has informed me that my ex has set up a porn site in my name.

Porn SiteMy friend was at the time staying with my ex and has provided me with the registration details that my ex used to set up the site, along with the credit card details, the home address and email information that he also used.

I had to move away and my ex lives in a different city to me. After numerous phone calls to the police in the city where my ex lives and also phone calls to the police in the city where I now reside, I feel like I am going around in circles and I really don’t know what to do.

The police in the city where my ex lives has said that because I am no longer in the city they cannot take a statement and the police in the city where I currently live are adamant they are not responsible for taking the statement as no crime was committed here.

I am shocked and horrified that the police are so uninterested!

 

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My Lonely Walk As a Survivor of Revenge Porn

For those following my journey, I feel that at times I need to tell you how I feel.

LonleyThis has been a very lonely journey and at times I feel frustrated, disappointed but really not surprised to be honest. I have been helping other victims since becoming a victim of Revenge Porn in 2014, which is over a year ago and long before the Revenge Porn Helpline or the new Revenge Porn Law came into fruition.

Its alarming how those who claim to be fighting the same cause, ‘raising awareness of revenge porn’; ‘those who provide support & advice to victims of revenge porn’ deem to do so alone. I have tried to reach out to victims who speak out publicly (by the way there aren’t many) and other agencies to work in partnership against this heinous, sole destroying and destructive crime.  To date this proves to be a battle – just like battling my fears when I was a victim of revenge porn.

Now a survivor I feel that I have made my stance clear!

I do this because I care, because I’m passionate and no longer want to be a victim but to take control of my life. I do this because I want others to see that even though life can be painful and people are cruel, vindictive and hurtful. You can rebuild your life.

Continue reading My Lonely Walk As a Survivor of Revenge Porn

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Sextortion – Sexual Exploitation On The Rise

BE AWARE & ALERT

This crime is on the rise

In the summer of this year, I was asked to be a guest presenter on Crimewatch.  My topic ‘sextortion’.

Talking about the rise of this internet crime, it dawned on me that this in fact is another ploy to publicly embarrass, victimize and cause destructive stress to victims by using sexual images or videos, but with an added financial gain.

This is the crime that involves extorting money or holding someone to ransom for  financial gain. If your not careful you could easily become a victim! Victims are often caught out by surprise, they think they have befriended someone genuine through social media. This could be via Facebook, or any social media platform. Victims are usually caught out after a brief conversation or after building a very brief but sexual relationship with someone they think is real.  Then when the victim feels comfortable they are coaxed to either talk via a webcam using an online gateway or by using another form of webcam device such as Skype.

I interviewed, Wayne from Scam Survivors on Crimewatch.

Wayne has an interest in online scams/scammers and works on a voluntary basis to help victims get rid of the scammers who have tried to extort them for financial gain. Continue reading Sextortion – Sexual Exploitation On The Rise

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You cannot empower others without your power!

‘It is important to understand that my journey was and still is very very painful’ 

shameThis is apparent if you watched me when I first appeared on This Morning, you could see the pain in my eyes, you could feel the pain in my words. Yesterday again I appeared on TV, The Lorraine Kelly Morning Show, this time a year later.

I didn’t want to come across like a victim because that I am not, I am a survivor! It’s important for those that watched/listened to me and may have thought:

Ahhh! But she looks well, she has got over the ordeal rather quickly, look how confident she is, she doesn’t sound or look like a victim!

Let me just say for me to be able to help another I feel you need to have dealt with your pain, your torture, your anxieties and your shame, otherwise you are helpless to another and will only add your burdens to theirs. This is not empowering.

I am still healing, although I have very much taken back my power,  I hold my head high and walk strong.

I still feel pain, hurt and mistrust!

Talking on The Lorraine Kelly Show yesterday opened up the pain I had hidden away, the pain I thought I had dealt with. I woke up this morning feeling very very low, emotionally fragile and started to cry. I know in time it will pass and I will find that kind heart that beats in time with mine. I cry  and laugh to help me heal but I laugh more.

I wanted to show those who cannot speak up or who are afraid and still ashamed that life goes on. You cannot stay a victim forever, this I know is very hard and does take time, probably a very long time. I have connected with people that have wanted to ‘take their life’ and end the pain of public shame – I haven’t personally had those thoughts but empathise with those who do.

This is not an easy journey, its painful and at times very very unbearable for many. 

Becoming a survivor means the perpetrator hasn’t beaten you, you have taken back control and continue to live your life and I’m all for surviving as we only have one life and god knows it’s short enough! #revengeporn

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Revenge Porn – My Journey 1 Year On Lorraine Kelly ITV

Lorraine Kelly & Me

What an amazing journey this last year has been! Monday 23 November 2015,  I was invited to talk on the Lorraine Kelly Morning Show at ITV Studios.

 

Watch my discussion with Lorraine Kelly by clicking the link below:

http://www.itv.com/lorraine/hot-topics/i-was-a-victim-of-revenge-porn

This has always been and will continue to be about keeping the topic of revenge porn alive. Sharing my experience and sharing how to take your power and control back after having your personal photos shared with the whole world. The connection I had with Lorraine was warm and caring, she understood, she empathised and paid attention to every word I said.

I am no longer a victim of revenge porn but a survivor, a strong woman that has taken back control of her life, I walk with my head high as I know that I did nothing wrong! I was the victim in all of this and I never consented to allowing my intimate photos to be shared outside of my ‘then’ relationship. Hatred and anger has left my heart and I now embrace the journey that has been given to me. My path has opened doors and enabled me to connect with people all over the world.

It makes me so happy to be able to connect with people who are still victims and to be able to support them emotionally through their journey, its a honour.  I will continue to speak up and speak out about Revenge Porn until such time that victims feel strong enough to walk by my side and speak in unison.

If you have been affected by Revenge Porn and don’t know who to turn to for emotional support please contact me. I will listen without judging you, I will show compassion because its so close to my heart and I have been there. I understand and  know the journey you are on. Reach out to me and together we can make a difference. Take back your power and regain the strength to move on in your life and share the burden. Follow me on twitter @voic_tweets and Instagram victims_of_internet_crime. I am also on facebook and email: info@voic.org.uk, so there are many ways you can reach out and connect with me.

 

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Revenge Porn – The Independent on Sunday

The new revenge porn changes in Law! Will it make a difference? Will it change the lives of the victim but now you have to have proof that the intent was there and evidence to back it up. I have had a few victims tell me that they have got evidence and even a confession and the police are not taking up her case!

Does this mean that the buck stops with the Police as to whether they take on a case or not. Will these types of interventions encourage victims to come forward? It seems that the Police need hands on training and guidance as different forces deal with their caseloads on revenge porn in different ways. Should their not be common focused approaches to this crime? Read my opinion in the Independent on Sunday:

http://www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/crime/revenge-porn-law-will-not-help-victims-say-campaigners-10187326.html

 

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My Journey of Enlightenment

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Imagine a ship that travels from port to port, picking up passengers from near and afar. We mingled together and had many a good times, laughter was had but also sad times.

There were ups and downs on this ship but friendship kept our spirits high. The years past and the ship no longer visited the ports but drifted into the ocean and lost it’s direction but friendships kept our spirits high. We laughed and joked and kept the momentum going.

The waves became rockier and the wind would howl against the mast of the ship. Suddenly I felt the water beneath me, it was waist high….was I drowning? No I was swimming and friendships kept my spirits high.

The water was deep as I swam and swam with no clear direction. I could see the shore ahead, the sand was golden and the waves calm as the water ebbed and flowed but as I swam the sharks attacked hungry for a weak and helpless catch but I swam towards the shore, I kept thought of the friendships that kept my spirits high and fought off the sharks with this in mind.

Finally I reached the shore, I took a deep sigh and a very deep breadth it was at this point I realised that the friendships that had kept my spirits high was the reason I was alive.

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Revenge Porn Now A Criminal Offence

Revenge Porn is now a criminal offence in England and Wales. Although the law has recognised the effects Revenge Porn can have on it’s victim, is it really enough of a deterrent!

Perpetrators can now receive up to 2 years imprisonment  but victims need to show evidential proof that they have indeed been a victim of such a vindictive crime, putting the victim in a position of fear. So what happens if you can’t prove without reasonable doubt that you have had intimate photos or videos of yourself shared for the whole world to see? Well let’s watch and wait as the time passes and more and more victims stand up and speak out. Let’s see if the change in law really makes a difference.

I made it clear when asked on a recent interview with Channel 5 News if I felt the change in law would make a difference. Listen to what I had to say https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5obq2sOMdl4

 

 

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