In 2019 I met someone on Tinder.

We dated for 3 months but towards the end o the relationship he became very distant and rude at times towards me. It then ended quite badly with him sending nasty messages over WhatsApp that I was a fat dirty slut and that I was only good enough to be raped.

A few months went by and I was then contacted by a friend of his to say pictures I had sent to him during our relationship had been shared to a website without my consent with the purposes of selling me for sex to other men also without my consent. I also found out he had made a fake tinder account in my name from work colleagues.

I couldn’t go to the police as he had a young daughter and I didn’t want her to see her father as a monster. I also live in Northern Ireland he lives in the Republic of Ireland so if I had of chosen to prosecute it would have been me named as the victim and not him under Irish law.

I couldn’t face the shame of everyone knowing.

I spent over a year living in constant fear, at times I walked with my keys in my fists. There were times I couldn’t even leave the house. I also became extremely depressed during this time. I tend to relapse from time to time as I feel like I’m not good enough. I’ve turned a lot to comfort eating and have gained 3 stone. I feel like I’m trapped in a body that’s no longer my own. I hate having to look at or dress and undress myself. Even things like getting my hair cut leave me not wanting to look at the person staring back at me.

I tend to have a few good weeks at a time, then something will happen that will trigger me and then I’ll end up back to the start of my trauma. Recently it got so bad in October that I considered taking my own life – sharing my story has helped, reaching out to VOIC has been a godsend and I am still here to be able to share this story.