Tag Archives: shame

I’m a victim – I’m sharing my story to help others too – !!Trigger Warning!! (Anonymous)

In 2019 I met someone on Tinder.

We dated for 3 months but towards the end o the relationship he became very distant and rude at times towards me. It then ended quite badly with him sending nasty messages over WhatsApp that I was a fat dirty slut and that I was only good enough to be raped.

A few months went by and I was then contacted by a friend of his to say pictures I had sent to him during our relationship had been shared to a website without my consent with the purposes of selling me for sex to other men also without my consent. I also found out he had made a fake tinder account in my name from work colleagues.

I couldn’t go to the police as he had a young daughter and I didn’t want her to see her father as a monster. I also live in Northern Ireland he lives in the Republic of Ireland so if I had of chosen to prosecute it would have been me named as the victim and not him under Irish law.

I couldn’t face the shame of everyone knowing.

I spent over a year living in constant fear, at times I walked with my keys in my fists. There were times I couldn’t even leave the house. I also became extremely depressed during this time. I tend to relapse from time to time as I feel like I’m not good enough. I’ve turned a lot to comfort eating and have gained 3 stone. I feel like I’m trapped in a body that’s no longer my own. I hate having to look at or dress and undress myself. Even things like getting my hair cut leave me not wanting to look at the person staring back at me.

I tend to have a few good weeks at a time, then something will happen that will trigger me and then I’ll end up back to the start of my trauma. Recently it got so bad in October that I considered taking my own life – sharing my story has helped, reaching out to VOIC has been a godsend and I am still here to be able to share this story.

My Lonely Walk As a Survivor of Revenge Porn

For those following my journey, I feel that at times I need to tell you how I feel.

LonleyThis has been a very lonely journey and at times I feel frustrated, disappointed but really not surprised to be honest. I have been helping other victims since becoming a victim of Revenge Porn in 2014, which is over a year ago and long before the Revenge Porn Helpline or the new Revenge Porn Law came into fruition.

Its alarming how those who claim to be fighting the same cause, ‘raising awareness of revenge porn’; ‘those who provide support & advice to victims of revenge porn’ deem to do so alone. I have tried to reach out to victims who speak out publicly (by the way there aren’t many) and other agencies to work in partnership against this heinous, sole destroying and destructive crime.  To date this proves to be a battle – just like battling my fears when I was a victim of revenge porn.

Now a survivor I feel that I have made my stance clear!

I do this because I care, because I’m passionate and no longer want to be a victim but to take control of my life. I do this because I want others to see that even though life can be painful and people are cruel, vindictive and hurtful. You can rebuild your life.

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